Stuff Parody Writers Like

Saw this in the NY Times yesterday and thought it was pretty funny.


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Op-Ed Contributor
Stuff Parody Writers Like

By JEFF JOHNSON
Published: July 18, 2008

THE book “Stuff White People Like,” based on the runaway Internet hit of the same name, just made the best-seller list. Apparently, readers felt they were lacking a definitive guide to white, upwardly mobile individuals and their purported interests —“gay friends,” “outdoor performance clothes,” “Barack Obama” and so on. If the road to a best seller (not to mention what’s said to be a $300,000 advance) begins with nothing more than a Web site and a list of likes, then here are a few projects I plan to develop:

STUFF GRANDPARENTS LIKE
Anything cinnamon
Any Brach’s candy
Craftmatic adjustable beds
Quilted
toaster covers
Water aerobics
Buicks

STUFF SERIAL KILLERS LIKE
Windowless vans
Death-row weddings to pen pals
Clowns and/or clown paintings
Rivers with swift evidence-destroying currents

STUFF JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL GUIDANCE COUNSELORS LIKE
Telling you how much smarter your sister was
Letting you know that maybe you should set the bar a little lower in order to cushion the blow later in life
Taking a peek at your file
Reminding you that a 1,000-mile journey begins with one small step
Posters with cats whose paws are affixed to tree branches, and are aggressively hanging in there

STUFF BUTTERSCOTCH ENTHUSIASTS LIKE
Sherlock Holmes
Antique suitcases
Calligraphy
Foggy bogs
Canes as accessories, not for
functionality

STUFF INTOXICATED PEOPLE LIKE
Pizza
Your sofa
Vomiting on public property
Leprechauns
Vomiting on your sofa

STUFF FORMER YANKEE GARY SHEFFIELD LIKES
Nothing

STUFF PARENTS WITH TODDLERS WHO HAVE CHRONIC EAR INFECTIONS LIKE
Sleep

STUFF PEOPLE WHO LIKE THE INTERNET LIKE
Reading about the interests of white people

STUFF I LIKE
Melted cheese

Jeff Johnson is a writer.